Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Interesting figures of speech: Paraprosdokians and Aphorisms

I am not a linguist and not at all good in use of classical English language. I may not be able to differentiate between what is called 'Paraprosdokians' and 'Aphorisms', but both are very interesting figures of seech to read. So as a sequel to the smart answers, I am continuing with these amusing as well as thought provoking sentences.
So read these sentences and enjoy.
*Some more witty sentences have been contributed by Mr.Mohan Rao as 'Phyllis Dillerisms...' They are added at the end.

Paradox, Axioms, Rules ... Laws contributed by Shri S. Dayal are also added at the end.

Contributed by Mr.Mohan Rao :
 First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.
        Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

        1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

        2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ..but it's still on my list.

        3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear
        bright until you hear them speak.

        4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

        5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

        6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

        7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

        8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

        9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

        10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

        11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
        the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

        12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

        13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

        14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

        15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

        16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

        17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
A paraprosdokian (/pærəprɒsˈdoʊkiən/) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.
"He was at his best when the going was good." —Alistair Cooke on the Duke of Windsor
"There but for the grace of God—goes God." —Winston Churchill
"If I could just say a few words… I'd be a better public speaker." —Homer Simpson
"If I am reading this graph correctly—I'd be very surprised." —Stephen Colbert
"On his feet he wore…blisters." —Aristotle
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." —Groucho Marx
"A modest man, who has much to be modest about." —supposedly Winston Churchill, about Clement Attlee
"I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks." —Emo Philips
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." —Mitch Hedberg
"I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night." —Bill Hicks
"I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat." —Will Rogers
"On the other hand, you have different fingers." —Steven Wright

Some comments and more examples are:
'We need not be frightened by the high sounding name of this  fairly familiar style of Bernard Shaw and Oscar Wilde"

A quote from the cover page of a "Book Of Quotations"
Do not quote, tell me what YOU know !

"All that I know is that I know nothing – Socrates"

"Peter de Vries is also well known for such formulations:
e.g. Deep down he is shallow."

Everybody wants to park his car in shade, but nobody wants to plant trees.
Similar examples are:
Everybody wants Electric Power, but nobody wants a Power Station near his place.
Everybody wants Canal water, but nobody wants to give land for building dams.
They also have valid reasons why this happens. The basic reason is selfishness.

In other words every body wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die ?




1. The nicest thing about the future is... that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog... but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humour... you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining... as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is... when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark . .
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important... because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions... you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat (or dog)... and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy (or girl)...who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins... the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m... like, it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says "It's only a game"... when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where... 'happy hour' is a nap.
15. Be careful about reading the fine print...there's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that... not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that, in about 40 years... we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
18. Money can't buy happiness... but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Cadillac than in a Na no
19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint... you're probably dead.
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind... and the ones that mind don't matter.
21. Life isn't tied with a bow... but it's still a gift.REMEMBER...
An aphorism (from Greek ἀφορισμός aphorismos, "delimitation") is a terse saying, expressing a general truth, principle, or astute observation, and spoken or written in a laconic and memorable form.Aphorism literally means a "distinction" or "definition". The term was first used in the Aphorisms of Hippocrates. The oft-cited first sentence of this work (see Ars longa, vita brevis) is:
Life is short, art long, opportunity fleeting, experience deceptive, judgement difficult.
The term was later applied to maxims of physical science, then statements of all kinds of philosophical, moral, or literary principles.
In modern usage an aphorism is generally understood to be a concise statement containing a subjective truth or observation, cleverly and pithily written.
A well-known example is
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
— Lord Acton
 Courtsey.. Wikipedia

Phyllis Dillerisms... 

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors:  Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home.  This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive.  My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.


S Dayal: Paradox, Axioms, Rules ... Laws

Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:_
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your absence is noticed.

The Salary Axiom:_
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

Murphy's First Law for Wives_:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

Miller's Law of Insurance:_
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

First Law of Living_:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

Weiner's Law of Libraries:_
There are no answers, only cross-references.

Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness_:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

The Grocery Bag Law:_
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

And Here goes the last one !!

Lampner's Law of Employment:_
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot !
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