Sunday, 4 February 2018

Pun Fun

"English is a Funny language!" That is a famous Filmi dialog, delivered in a funny manner by none other than our all time super star Amitabh Bachchan. A collection of some interesting puns was forwarded by my friend Vedamoorthy. I have put a bit of explanation in bracket, not to kill the fun, but to make it easier to appreciate for those, me included, who might need some brushing up of English language. ... and also to get a bit of satisfaction of having added some value.

New Additions on 14/02/2018

And there are some more .........

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? ...... (Pupils)
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!  ....( u r in)
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. ..... (Play)
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. ..... (Down)
When chemists die, they barium. ...... (Bury him)
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went....  And then it dawned on me.  ..... (Dawned)
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time....... (Stop)
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.  ..... (Wurst)
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. ..... (Sinking)
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. (Type ‘O’)
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.  ..... (Missed)
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it, of course. ...... (He brew)

Vagaries of ENGLISH Language !  Enjoy !!! 

* Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
* Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?
* How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?
* If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
* If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?
* How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
* Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
* Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
* Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
* Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?
* How come Noses run and Feet smell?
* Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?
* What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?
We can never find the answers, can we?
So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language !

Oh My English ! 

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.  (Circumpherence, Pie)

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (Profit)

3. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.   ( Hole or matter?)

4. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.  (Illusion)

5. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.  ( Double meanings of Still)

6. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass”. ( Double meanings of Grass)

7. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. (Stationary)

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. (Knot)

9. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.  ( Double meanings of Hit)

10. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. ( Double meanings of Seasoned)

11. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

12. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be In Seine. (Insane)

13. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'  (Damn!)

14. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal : transcend dental medication.  (Transcedental)

15. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.  (Intended)

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