Subject: Forgiveness ......... Date: Dec 20, 2015 7:10 AM
Ravi Mago:
मानवीय गुणों में एक प्रमुख गुण है "क्षमा" और क्षमा जिस भी मनुष्य के अन्दर है वो किसी वीर से कम नही है। तभी तो कहा गया है कि- " क्षमा वीरस्य भूषणं और क्षमा वाणीस्य भूषणं " क्षमा साहसी लोगों का आभूषण है और क्षमा वाणी का भी आभूषण है। यद्यपि किसी को दंडित करना या डाँटना आपके वाहुबल को दर्शाता है।
मगर शास्त्र का वचन है कि बलवान वो नहीं जो किसी को दण्ड देने की सामर्थ्य रखता हो अपितु बलवान वो है जो किसी को क्षमा करने की सामर्थ्य रखता हो। अगर आप किसी को क्षमा करने का साहस रखते हैं तो सच मानिये कि आप एक शक्तिशाली सम्पदा के धनी हैं और इसी कारण आप सबके प्रिय बनते हो।
आजकल परिवारों में अशांति और क्लेश का एक प्रमुख कारण यह भी है कि हमारे जीवन से और जुवान से क्षमा नाम का गुण लगभग गायब सा हो गया है। दूसरों को क्षमा करने की आदत डाल लो जीवन की कुछ समस्याओं से बच जाओगे। निश्चित ही अगर आप जीवन में क्षमा करना सीख जाते हैं तो आपके कई झंझटों का स्वत:निदान हो जाता है।
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Puran Sharma
Shama magma क्षमा मागना is as important as Shama Karna क्षमा करना.
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Anand Ghare (Self)
The key word is क्षमा करने का सामर्थ्य, the strength to forgive, mental as well as physical, military, political etc. We see very often that people who can't do anything pose as 'forgivers' and then become an object of ridicule.
As PD has said asking for क्षमा is very important, but it should also accompany with genuine regret for the misdeed. The present case of juvenile offender is being seen from that angle.
Lastly the whole legal system is based on punishment for crime. Only the highest state authority is permitted to forgive because they are powerful. Other functionaries like police or judge have to strictly work under law, at least in theory. However, it seen in movies (also in real life) that so called large hearted Good (or selfish and bad) people in the system allow the culprit to go scot free and then they continue to commit more crimes. In such cases क्षमा is misused.
Finally, in our personal life forgive an forget attitude clears a lot of backlog of hateful negative feelings and you feel better.
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Puran Sharma
I feel principle of 'Seek' and 'Give' forgiveness may be more useful in mending 'Relationship' which sometimes break due to misunderstandings or high handed Ness. Vulnerable relationships may be Husband-wife, Father-Son, Friendship, Boss-Subordinate etc. Societal Crimes, pilitical oppression or military aggression may have to be dealt by the rules made by Society where mercy or forgiveness may not help because of plurality in affected persons.
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Anand Ghare
Seeking forgiveness means overcoming your ego and granting it is magnanimity, both very important for building relationships.
I was mainly commenting on Ravi's mail that talks about वीर, सामर्थ्य, दंड etc. we should not bring these in personal relationships.
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Bhanwarlal Sharma
kshama badan ko chahiye, chotan ko utpat, क्षमा बडन को चाहिये छोटन को उत्पात ।
is a village saying.sir i fully agree with your views.
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Mohan Rao
Thanks for bringing up this issue of क्षमा (forgiveness) to our focus.
One important element is penance or self forgiveness which may also involve the idea of self-disciplining. Forgiving oneself by some penance or self-action leads to self-absolution. Gandhiji showed the world how this can be done by fasting, prayer and community service etc. It is hardly taught in our social system and the whole penal system depends on punishment by an authority (judicial system) to the exclusion of everything else and the ‘idea of doing time’ has pervaded the society and the pressure of ensuring that the one who committed crime gets fair time in a jail has become the norm. The result is an expensive penal code, systems for incarceration and the ensuing cost on the society. The idea of penance is practiced to some extent in some religions as in Orthodox Christianity where the one who committed crime can take care of his own atonement and can get absolved by a sacramental act of confession to a priest. The act of apologizing or saying sorry without honest regretfulness to wrongdoing in one’s own heart does not meet the need for forgiveness in the mind of the victim although it has become a societal need for a quick reparation and some sense of justice. In my view this issue is so important to bring up in our school systems and see if the idea of atonement is any more practical than what it is now (a mannerism rather than penance). To err is human, to forgive divine simply lets the one who committed the aggression perhaps go free and recommit the crime.
I was walking the Chowpatty beach in Mumbai years ago where I saw a street artist drawing on the pavement his own picture seeking alms from a well-dressed (suit and tie and a briefcase in fact) person walking by without even noticing the artist (face turned the other way). I stopped to appreciate his art when the artist stopped as well and without my prompting said pointing to his picture: “These Sahibs do not understand what people like you and me go through in life”. I could sense the burden of social injustice that he was carrying by his looks and the meagre but only way he knew in trying perhaps to feed his family. I was in my casuals (jeans and an umbrella, unkempt and looking slovenly and homeless) and seemingly was perhaps literally not his object in any way. I however searched my pockets and gave him a few coins before I understandingly nodded to his comment and walked off. I was thinking about the encounter and realized that I did the right thing. Had I gone away without emptying my pockets of the coins, his comments would have bothered me in my sleep that night and would have a left a stigma of being a Sahib of his definition for a while. A simple act of penance for a simple problem I saw of my also being someone in disguise who perhaps was his object of injustice. Was he the victim or did he simply play his trickery on me for a few coins? I do not know. What I did left both of us satisfied for that moment anyway.
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Comment from Ghare on Shri Mohanarao's mail:
He has brought up a very different and often neglected aspect of forgiveness, forgiving self.
We hear a common dialog in many Hindi films or serials " ..... वरना मै खुद को कभी माफ नही कर सकूँगी।"
We murmur, "If not, then what are you going to do to yourself?' and laugh it off. However, this blaming oneself for any wrong thing can make the person very sad and dejected and he may even loose his confidence. So it is important to analyse the root cause of the seemingly wrong decision or action, try to rectify and then forgive oneself in order to move forward.
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Ashok Malhotra
Just a quote that came to mind going through this chain:
"It's one thing to have ideals, and quite another to live by them".
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Added on 31/07/2016
Comment from A.Sanatkumar (June 30, 2016):
May I present a counter-view please? To forgive another's faults and misdeeds perhaps is not always a good policy, however romantic such an act of "forgiving" may sound. "Punishment fit the crime" may be a good, via media dictum. In the history of our country that I learnt in my school days, it was taught, as I now recollect, that valorous king Prithviraj Chauhan, after defeating invading Muhammad Ghori in battle, and failing to learn from the historical incidents of the massacre and plunder of Somnathpur temple by Mahmud Ghazni about a hundred years earlier, mistakenly thought he was being magnanimous and क्षमा-fied and let the invader Ghori go, only to be killed by Ghori in a घोर manner during his subsequent invasion.
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Reply (from myself):
Thanks, Sanatkumar for the comment and regret delay in reply.
A Subhashit is, हस्तस्य भूषणम् दानम्, सत्यम् कण्ठस्य भूषणम् | श्रोत्रस्य भूषणम् शास्त्रम् , भूषणै: किम् प्रयोजनम्? ||
It means "Charity is the ornament for hands. Truth is the ornament for speech. Hearing the scriptures is the ornament for ears. Where is the need for other ornaments?"
Similarly "क्षमा वीरस्य भूषणं " means forgiveness is an ornament for the brave. As nobody needs to wear ornaments all the time, it is not necessary for the brave to keep forgiving everybody. The phrase actually hints that forgiveness by a weak person who cannot punish is meaningless. Only one who is powerful can claim he has forgiven somebody for his offence or mistake. The example of Mohammad Ghori and Prithviraj Chouhan is often quoted as if the very concept of forgiveness is wrong. In my opinion that perception is not right.
In retrospect it appears forgiving Mohammad Ghori by Prithviraj Chouhan was a grave blunder on his part, because it not only resulted in his downfall but changed the entire course of Indian history. However, perhaps it was either underestimation of the hidden strength of the enemy or overconfidence about his own invincibility on the part of Prithviraj Chouhan that would have prompted him to forgive Mohammad Ghori and let him go at that point of time. It may not be just showing his valour or magnanimity or following "क्षमा वीरस्य भूषणं ". Neither underestimation nor overconfidence was appropriate for a wise ruler. I do not think a hundred year old history would have been known to him or would have been fresh in his mind in those days.
We also find that there used to be frequent wars between different neighboring kingdoms in the history and the winner used to take the loot or impose some fine under a pact but spare the loser's life. Mohammad Ghori did not do that. The treachery by Jaychand Rathod also played important role in the sordid episode. It may be called a multiple failure. However, we need not be judgmental without knowing actual full details, more than what we read in our History textbooks in school.
There may be hundreds of examples in history, in which the erstwhile warring countries and their rulers patched up their soured relations, buried the hatchet and became allies, even built close relations. It is possible only by adopting a forgive and forget policy.
Anand Ghare
